In every relationship we have, there are ordinary, difficult and special moments. This is true in our memories of the people we love who have died. This is an exercise we do at Touchstones, and it is where the name comes from.
Choose three stones.
First Stone: ordinary – smooth and round like a pebble
Second Stone: rough – sharp, jagged edges
Third Stone: special – a gem stone or a beautiful glass stone
Spend time holding each stone in turn.
1. First hold the ordinary smooth pebble. Think of everyday thoughts or memories of the person who died. This might be that they loved chocolate cake, or how they always picked you up from school and chatted on the way home.
2. Now hold the sharp stone and feel it digging into your hand. Think of the painful memories that hurt you. Maybe there were arguments or things you said (or didn’t say) that now you wish you hadn’t. Maybe it was how they looked when they were ill, or perhaps it was hearing bad news.
3. Finally hold the special stone and think of some really special memories you have shared. Perhaps it was holidays on the beach, or watching films on the settee together.
4. Lastly, try holding the sharp stone and feeling it hurt your hand. Then put first the smooth stone and then the special one into your hand as well and hold them all together. What happens to the pain? Does it hurt less?
The stones remind us that we need to hold onto all our memories, the ordinary ones and the special ones, as well as the painful ones which tend to fill our minds when we are sad. When we do, we find that the hard thoughts and feelings, though still there, are much easier to carry.
And that’s also how we at Touchstones try to help.
We cannot take the painful memories and feelings away, but we can help you to carry them.
And that’s why we are called Touchstones.